Attending counseling therapy is not something I am used to doing. But since my parents required me to attend one due to my depressive state, I happened to engage with a therapist and tell-all.
But before I opened up about my darkest secrets and fears, I could ask the professional a few questions. Some include “will this therapy help me?” “Will the therapist do something about my current condition?” “Will the therapist ensure me that I can soon deal with my struggle?” and a lot more that requires assured answers to keep me from going on with the treatment. Reality therapy and medication can help you understand and focus on the underlying causes and get you out of your issues faster than you think.
As a teenager, I experienced quite a lot of rebellious acts that I am not proud of. People may think I acted because I wanted to do it for fun. But the truth is, my actions are far more unrelated to what I honestly feel. Some antics are made to let people close to me know that I want to hold my own life. But of course, some of them are by choice because I’m a brat who thinks she knows best and does not want to listen to anyone.
As part of my tough act, I dropped from school and never told my parents about it. I often stayed at a friend’s house, and I was pretty sure I was not in good hands there. I started drinking heavily, taking addictive substances and pills, smoking cigarettes and weed, and engaging in sexual activities with multiple partners.
These activities were not worthwhile but entertaining at that time, so I engaged. But I never thought I would soon pray the price.
The First Dose Of Depression
With my actions, I thought I was trying to make a point that I was showing how I hate my parents because they are controlling me and are always telling me what to do with my life. I thought by going through all these negative things, I was actually making their lives miserable. However, the first realization that I was hurting myself was when I got diagnosed with AIDS.
I felt so depressed that at a young age, I would have to deal with a serious illness that not everyone is more than willing to talk about. I am 16, and having AIDS is something I know could ruin my social connection and probably end my life. I felt so terrified and, at the same time, deserving of the situation.
I told my therapist that after the disease’s health complications, I became so uncooperative with the treatment. I was too convinced I would suffer due to my actions. I hate myself for being inconsiderate of my parents and other people who only want what’s best for me. And now that I am suffering from the condition, all I can do is wished it should never have ended this way.
The Severity Of My Mental Health
With the disease, I am more uncertain of what life brings. Now that I am dealing with this complication, all I can think of is ending everything, including my life. That is where my parents found me overdosed with pills in my bed. I was too sure that I wanted to die that day. But then God forbade me and sent my parents to check on me.
The moment I thought I would die, I admittedly felt scared. I want to live, but I can’t have the right reasons to keep moving. My disease is controlling me mentally and emotionally, and there’s nothing that anyone can do to make me feel better. Or at least cure me of this condition. During the therapy session, I cried wholeheartedly and told my therapist that I felt deeply sorry for hurting the people around me and ruining my life just because I wanted a little freedom.
I am more than willing to help myself change and become a better person. It’s not because I have an incurable disease but because I owe myself an apology.
Final Thoughts And Takeaway
I felt bad that I had to go through these entire struggles, but there was not much choice. I must be present and consider how I should spend my life accordingly. Not because I am diagnosed with a disease without a cure, it doesn’t mean my life should end. I believe that God allowed this to happen for a reason.
For teenagers like me who think they have control over everything, always remember that you are not invincible. Despite a younger age, you are still prone to different conditions. And what you do to your body will surely get you back big time. I learned my lessons the hard way. Please don’t be like me, who went overboard just because I want to prove to myself and others that I own my life. After all, we’re just kids who need guidance and support.